I'm Not A Villain! by Mia Archer

Author:Mia Archer [Archer, Mia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Superheroes | Supervillains | Lesbians
Published: 2018-07-19T04:00:00+00:00

19

Science!

“I just don’t get it,” I said.

“What’s not to get?” Sabine asked.

I looked around at the junk she was rummaging through. It mostly looked like cast off bits of technology that had the same aesthetic as everything else I’d seen since arriving on this planet.

Which is to say it was totally alien while at the same time looking weirdly familiar. I held up something that looked like a flip phone with added fiddly bits on the side.

“Natalie was always going on about how they invented cell phones that flipped open because of some ancient TV show,” I said, looking at the thing. “So why the heck would they invent something like that on this planet?”

“Turns out earth isn’t the only planet that develops cheesy science fiction programming staring a Shatner lookalike when they enter the space age,” Sabine said, popping up from a pile of junk she’d been tossing around.

“Huh,” I said. “So you’re saying there’s, like, infinite Shatners in infinite combinations or something?”

She hit me with a flat stare and arched an eyebrow.

“What?” I asked.

“Come on. You can’t tell me you didn’t do that on purpose,” she said.

“Do what on purpose?” I asked.

She made a noise that sounded half disgusted and half amused. Then she dove back into the pile of alien technology. I still wasn’t sure what the heck I’d done, but if I didn’t miss my guess it probably had something to do with some stupid cheesy ‘60s scifi I’d inadvertently stumbled into quoting.

“Seriously,” I said, looking around at all the discarded dust laden crap. “What’s the point of having a volcano lair like this if you don’t have any cool stuff to play with?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, popping up from another part of the room.

“Are you tunneling through this stuff or something? And what it’s supposed to mean is you have an evil villain lair thing going for you complete with lava and advanced technology they clearly don’t have on this planet…”

“What are you talking about?” she asked. “Everything I use here is stuff I’ve stolen from them. Except for the suit. That’s a Natalie original.”

“The shields?” I asked.

“Totally something they have here. They just have to have a huge reactor to power the stuff. I plugged it into the reactor Natalie put on the safety suit she tossed me into though, and it’s the only thing that’s saved me from dying of radiation poisoning since I got here.”

I frowned. That sort of made sense. She’d been on this world for a long time and yet she wasn’t dead. Sure I’d been on this world without dying too, but I figured that was because I sort of had the whole invulnerability thing going for me again.

There was no reason why she should still be alive. Like presumably it would take time for her to figure out how to plug shielding into that reactor on her suit, and the radiation would’ve been doing its thing that entire time. Her survival and continued existence on this planet didn’t make sense when you got down to it, but whatever.

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